Attack!

Miaow!

I stir slightly from my sleep and pull the duvet tightly around me. It is cold in the world outside the immediate duvet area, so I do not wish to know about that world just yet. Besides, it is only 8.30am. On a Saturday. That’s practically the middle of the night.

Miaow!

“Shh, Kat,” I murmur drowsily. “Come and keep me warm.”

Scuffle! Scuffle! Miaow! Thump!

I open one eye and see a frenzied flurry of activity as Kat races from the bed to the floor to the windowsill on a seemingly infinite loop, making weird, panicky noises.

Thud!

She falls back on to the floor, slightly stunned, having smacked her head against the window for no obvious reason.

Miaow! Scuffle! Scurry! Thump! Miaow!

Perhaps we are under attack. Mysterious alien creatures are descending from the sky in parachutes and surrounding the house, prompting intense fear in the Guard Cat. No, that can’t be it. I really do not want to get out of bed.

Miaow! Miaow! Miaow!

The blasted animal is now standing on my shoulder, headbutting me in the face with a great deal of force. I am slightly nervous, despite my irritation. I have read about super-intelligent dogs and cats who’ve warned their owners when the house is on fire, for example. I open both eyes and stare intently at Kat. She doesn’t look particularly super-intelligent, but something is clearly bothering her. Nervously, I get up and go downstairs. Kat flies ahead and proceeds to repeatedly hurl her entire, trembling body against the back door. I peer outside, preparing myself for the horrors I am about to see.

It is snowing.

I have been dragged from my bed because of an apparently brutal and dangerous snow attack.

I open the door and Kat flies past me like a small rocket, disappearing into the distance in pursuit of falling flakes, in a series of insane leaps and bounds. I make some coffee and sit in speechless wonder watching my super-intelligent cat frantically defending my honour against small, fluffy pieces of frozen water.

Coffee helps.