“…And No One Can Talk To A Horse, Of Course…”

“Horse!” I shout loudly, “Horrrrrrrrse!”

He Who Brings The Coffee appears, en route to work, carefully carrying the day’s coffee rations. He stops and looks curiously at me. “Um… Hails? Why are you standing in the car park shouting ‘horse, horse’?” he asks cautiously. I continue to scan the surrounding fields, apple in one hand, the other hand shielding my eyes in the manner of all good look-out-ers. “Where is the horse?” I demand anxiously. “Horse!!”

HWBTC stares at me. “I’m sure it has a name, you know.” “Yes… Horse,” I tell him crossly. “Horse!! Horrrrrse!”

“Oh good grief. Stop saying horse!” demands HWBTC. There is a brief pause, filled by a sudden loud clamour of quacking from the lake.

“Ducks!” exclaims HWBTC.

“Horse!” I yell defiantly.

“Look how many ducks there are!” continues HWBTC excitedly, ignoring me. “At least two dozen!”

“It’s like an invasion,” I say gloomily as he begins to count the ducks. The quacking becomes eerily aggressive as they splash around in an agitated manner. I suddenly panic for the safety of Horse.

“At least two dozen,” says HWBTC, happily.

“Maybe they got the horse,” I add, sadly.

“What are you two doing?” Granny sticks her head out of the kitchen window.

“Ducks!” says HWBTC, gesturing towards the Bizarre Cullybackey Duck Invasion.

“I’m sure they have names,” I say sarcastically.

“Yep,” agrees HWBTC, resuming his counting. “Duck with Orange… Duck with Hoisin Sauce…”

“Horse! Horrrrse!”

“Duck with Pancakes…”


The window slams shut. You have to feel sorry for Granny, sometimes.


5 thoughts on ““…And No One Can Talk To A Horse, Of Course…”

  1. mcdad says:

    he who brings the coffee is a man after me own heart…duck gumbo, deep fried duck, duck with cornbread dressing, duck stew (with little squirrels and doves and sausages)…yummmmmm…keep the grease hot, i’m a’comin’!!!

  2. Hi K8 linked me and the first post I see is about a horse. I have two if it needs company! And talking to a horse can be very cathartic in a Dr Doolittle kind of way. And if you feed ducks apple will they taste sweeter?

  3. MoNkEyMaN says:

    When He Who Brings The Coffee runs out of ducks he can always have horse steaks, horse burgers, horse sausages…………..

    (Becky recomends them!)

  4. McDad – I’m speechless.
    Baino – I must apologise that when you visited my blog for the first time, the first sentence you were subjected to was “‘Horse!’ I shout loudly, ‘Horrrrrrse!'”. This may have given you a rather ridiculous impression of me. Full credit to you for sticking around for long enough to leave a comment, and I want to assure you that it’s not always that weird around here. I sometimes write about the cat, who is quite normal. No, wait…
    Monkey Man – You’ve got the horse, haven’t you???

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