There are a lot of mice around at the moment. They seem to be mostly gathering in my place of work, McLovely’s workshop, and various houses belonging to my friends (fortunately my house is safe from this invasion, thanks to Kat the Cat. However, she brings plenty of problems of her own. I’ll tell you another time…). The other week, I reported on a breed of Supermouse that had stolen a trap from a cupboard, shutting the door behind it and everything. This week, TC wandered in to inspect the traps in our staff room, in the disturbingly bloodthirsty way he does.

“Look at this for the thickest creature that ever existed!” he hollered in amusement, coming up to my desk dangling a dead mouse with great enthusiasm. I pushed back my chair hastily, trying to conceal my alarm (for I am not scared of mice, as they are completely harmless (especially when they are dead)). My disgust quickly gave way to curiosity, as I inched closer to the ex-mouse in front of me. Readers of a squeamish nature may wish to look away now.


How dumb can that creature really have been? Sniff-sniff-sniff… ohhhh, there’s a nice piece of cheese… SNAP… ouch, bit of a sharp pain in the hind leg there… oh dear, I seem to be caught in a trap… well, this is agonising and traumatic… sniff-sniff-sniff… ohhhh, look, another nice piece of cheese on the other side of the room… if I can just drag my poor, trembling, bleeding body over to that other suspicious-looking contraption… curse this wretched thing stuck to my back leg slowing me down… here we are, mmmmm, lovely cheese… SNAP.

Honestly. The mice of the world have got to wake up a bit, if you ask me.

Then there’s rats. Ick. McBouncy and McLovely were in earlier, trying to advise and then distract me re: the afore-mentioned cat-related problem. While they were here, McBouncy got a text from her youngest sister, Tessie, who had apparently barricaded herself in the house due to a reported sighting by a neighbour of a rat outside. McBouncy attempted to console her, suggesting that the neighbour had been mistaken. No, came Tessie’s reply, I have seen it!! It was big and running around!! McBouncy was amused, and uncertain about what exactly she was meant to do. She advised closing all the windows and doors, but Tessie was apparently way ahead of her, for the next message read All closed, sure it can’t get in the letter box??? McBouncy’s evil streak took over, and poor Tessie received a text urging her to cram the letter box full of tinfoil, which their mother insists wards off all rodents. Tessie evidently performed a frantic search of the kitchen, before replying Is none. Could it really get in?? A male relative renowned for being a wind-up merchant was brought in on the act at this point, as McBouncy suggested that he might bring Tessie some tinfoil if she texted him. There was a brief pause in the frantic text communication. Then: He says it makes them worse!! I have put a tea towel in letter box.

“Brilliant,” remarked McLovely, “At least the rat can wipe its feet on its way in through the letter box to kill her. Or do the dishes.”

Poor Tessie. I could give her a cat. Free to a good home.


4 thoughts on “Rodents!

  1. Billy says:

    There was a mouse in the stud wall between my bedroom and the bathroom the other night. No idea how it got there. My dad chased it to the attic and beat it with a hurl!

    Currently in Nic’s house, where apparently another one of the little beasts was seen last night. YIKES.

  2. McBouncy says:

    I am currently reading this at work, where I appear to be surrounded. Another mouse has got its back leg stuck in a trap. McLovely suggested introducing another trap to the little darling, in the hope it is a daft as Hails work mouse, but couldn’t get near it as it was hiding below a cupboard. He left it for an hour, in the hope that it would just die, but, the trap does not appear to be slowing it down. In the hour, it has completed several laps of my office! To make me feel better he has placed a box over the top of it. This has stopped it doing laps, but all I can here is scratching! Ugh.
    Ok. I have just been forced to leave the office for a few minutes. McLovely entered with a bucket of water. He reckoned he couldn’t hit it over the head – something to do with little beady eyes looking at him, but figured he had to put it out of it’s misery. Hence the bucket of water. Death by drowning. Two minutes later he came out to the workshop where Marc & I were hiding. Apparently it was not as simple as he thought. The mousetrap floated and the little blighter was using it as a life raft… He walked to the corner, picked up a stick and returned to my office. A minute later he came out with the bucket. “That was more humane!” he announced! “How long did it take?” asked Marc. “Longer than you would think. About 20 seconds.”
    McLovely the drowner of mice!

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