For the CV: Excellent Communication Skills

Excerpt from work-related phone call to Italy this morning.

Me: May I speak to Elena, please?

Italian Man: (incomprehensible babble)

Me: I’m sorry, non parlo italiano. May I speak to Elena?

IM: I pardon you, please?

Me: I want to speak to Elena.

IM: Again, please, pardon you.

Me: Eyyyy-leyyyyy-naaa?

IM: Ehhhh….

Me: Para inglese? I have an order for some furniture, I need to talk to someone about it.

IM: No English… you need talk Elena.

Me: I see… may I please speak to her, instead, then?

IM: No.

Me: Oh.. um…

IM: You telephone at afternoon, please thank you.

Me: OK. After lunch?

IM: Ehhh… not yet.

Me: Scusi?

IM: I am to be not yet eating the lunch, I thank you.

Me: Right… right. I will call back after lunch.

IM: You are in Italy?

Me: Eh? No. I’m in Ireland.

IM: But we are in Italy.

Me: Yes, I know that.

IM: I do not understand. You will eat the lunch here another day?

Me: What?! No! I don’t want to have lunch with you, I will CALL BACK AFTER LUNCH. On the tel-ee-phone-ee.

IM: For the lunch this afternoon?

Me: NO!!! I telephone later. Thank you – grazie.

Hang up phone and moan softly to self. End scene.


3 thoughts on “For the CV: Excellent Communication Skills

  1. I dread these phone calls. It’s much worse, however, when it’s a language I actually claim to be able to speak, because it’s so much more embarrassing when you really think you’re making sense.

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