Coffee would have helped

I am beyond tired.

This morning, I was a little worried about what on earth you’re meant to do when you reach this particular stage, because the fact that I was incapable of functioning meant that I could not quite summon up the energy to make coffee. I sat at my desk, eyes threatening to close, life happening all around me but in a strangely detached manner.

“What’s the time, Hails?” asked He Who Brings The Coffee, on his way out for a 10.30am appointment. I looked with great concentration at the computer screen, saw “10.09” and said “10 past 9”. HWBTC looked at me in some confusion, clearly wondering if he had just experienced the longest 10 minutes of his life. “Err, I mean, 9 past 10,” I said dazedly, before realising that this was an abnormally specific way of answering his question. “I mean, um…” I trailed off and put my head in my hands.

“10 past 10?” he clarified. I nodded, ashamed of my lack of ability in the most basic of time-telling skills.

“Up late last night, again?” he enquired. I nodded, regretting my late night slash early morning geek-alert internet surfing and correspondence. Trying to maintain some small semblance of competence, I picked up a supplier leaflet with great dignity and began to study it intently. HWBTC stared at me for a long moment.

“Hails?” he said finally. “Get some coffee in you.” With that, he left, and I slumped back in relief that turned out to be short-lived when I realised that the leaflet I was so studiously poring over was actually for Domino’s Pizza. Not only that, but it was upside-down.

Making the coffee took an unfeasibly long time. When you’re this tired, it becomes a mammoth task to grind the beans, clean the filter, pour in the water, stand up straight etc. Finally, I switched on the machine with a triumphant, relieved flourish, and turned to investigate the chocolate biscuit situation. Upon turning back, I saw this.

Clearly, my effort had not been enough to ensure that I actually put the coffee, once ground, into the machine.

It was a long day.

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