Upside-down news

I have recently, for reasons best known to myself, been spending a lot of time reading Northern Territory News – an Australian newspaper that has surprisingly and rapidly become very dear to my heart for its hard-hitting journalism and challenging articles.

 The breaking news story that first aroused my interest was a front page headline. CROC ATTACK SURVIVOR KILLED BY SNAKE, it announced, rather brilliantly. (It was backed up by the most splendid sub-headline, too – Luck runs out for big saltie’s victim. I couldn’t make it up.) I do not feel that I can do justice to the stories on my humble blog, so I heartily recommend that you follow the links and read them for yourselves. It made my world a brighter place when I visited the newspaper’s site the following day to find the headline G’DAY, BAIT!, accompanying a picture of a fairly startled fisherman on his boat, shying away from a large crocodile that was flying through the air towards him with its mouth open*. Again, please read the story. It will improve your quality of life. You will also learn many things about crocodiles from these articles, such as, for example, the fact that they do not like being provoked by smart-ass tourists, and can actually be quite aggressive in this type of situation. Also, I was interested to note that shouting “Go away!” at a croc will not actually prevent an attack.

By midweek, I had developed a mild addiction to Northern Territory News. Imagine my delight, therefore, when I logged on to see Thusday’s headline: PLOT TO BLOW UP SERVO FOILED BY MONKEY THIEF. This is, I feel, the sort of newspaper that dreams are made of. Imagine, for a moment, being a writer paid to write this type of thing on a daily basis.

It’s like the Ballymena Guardian only with crocodiles and monkey thieves instead of oil burner thefts and cannabis raids.

* For some reason, they have since replaced this with a lifeless photograph of said crocodile floating tamely along in the water, moments before the horrific and completely deserved attack. I can only assume that the original image proved to be too distressing for anyone who knows someone in the Northern Territory and is worried about the possiblity of them falling victim to an angry croc…

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9 thoughts on “Upside-down news

  1. it is indeed a dream to work here… that’s for the wrap!

    other headlines we have run include:

    MOZZIE VICTIM FIGHTS FOR LIFE

    CRAZED ROO WRECKS HOUSE

    HUGE FISH BITES WOMAN

    and an office favourite (about a man who subdued a croc on a suburban beach by using his underpants)

    CROCODILE UNDIE

    cheers

  2. I am stunned. It’s like having celebrities come and comment on my blog. I bow down to you and your colleagues, Jimmy D, and humbly thank you for making my world that little bit more surreal.

    PS – “HUGE FISH BITES WOMAN” is my new favourite headline.

    Ever.

  3. celebritydragon says:

    G’day Hails, nice jumper. I’m a former employee of the NT News and I think you’ve missed a very important headline which read “Dumb Southern Cows eaten by Top End crocs”, about crocs eating cows from the riverbank. There was also another one you missed, “Beer for Toads”, where a local pub gave away a beer for every cane toad brought in to the bar. These front pages can be tracked down through news limited websites. Also, my favourite, “Fat, ugly, badly-dressed Irish woman has nothing better to do than imagine she is better than people on the other side of the world”. Love your work…

  4. Ouch. Got issues?!

    If it’s any consolation, I’m under no illusions that I’m any *better* than anyone else. I must, however, take issue with the ‘woman’ part. I’m just a girl, really. Can I use my immaturity as an excuse for my behaviour?

    Sorry, celebritydragon.

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