The Sister is training to be a First Aider at work.
“Forming a relationship with Resuscitation Annie is the key, really,” she tells me earnestly. Resuscitation Annie is a doll, whose chest conveniently clicks when the appropriate pressure is achieved during chest compressions.
“The thing is,” says Sister pensively, “as I mentioned to the instructor, how am I meant to know, when I’m giving first aid to an Actual Person, if I’ve reached the correct pressure? If their chest clicks, I wouldn’t imagine that’d be a good sign.”
“Well, no,” I contribute conversationally, “you would think that if their chest clicks, it’s more likely that you’ve broken a few ribs than restarted their heart.”
“Exactly!” she says, enthusiastically. “And that’s what I said to the instructor person. She told me that I’d figure out after about four or five goes what the right pressure would be. I’m a bit worried about the fact that I might have to actually kill four or five people before I figure out how to do this properly.”
“Maybe she meant four or five compressions,” I suggest, helpfully.
“Ahh,” says The Sister, “that does make a lot more sense. Anyway, the main problem is actually the pressure of a real life emergency situation. Everyone had their own Annie, and we had to pretend it was a genuine emergency. Of course, as soon as everyone else started yelling “Get me an ambulance! She’s not breathing! I need some help, here!”, the whole thing just became too much for me.”
“What did you do?” I ask, feeling quite sympathetic, as I know how difficult she finds it even to concentrate on bringing the garlic bread out of the oven when the pasta is starting to boil over.
“Err,” says The Sister, “I put my hands over my ears and screamed”OK, would everyone just SHUT UP, I need an ambulance!! This woman is not breathing, and also she has no hair or legs!”
“How did that turn out for you?” I ask interestedly.
“Well,” says The Sister, “I think it got me a better chance of actually getting an ambulance.”
The world is safe now that The Sister is a First Aider.