And then it starts to rain!

I was washing the dishes tonight and listening to the radio, which, to my dismay, was blaring out the distressing experience known as “Country Hour”.

I am not a fan of country music. Or to put it a different way, I am a huge fan, but only insomuch as it makes me snigger in an unattractively condescending manner. Some of it’s fine – I have to admit to being quite fond of John Prine, and the Dixie Chicks, for example. The more Country/Folk style. But the twangy, ultra-depressive, “My wife left me and then my faithful old dog got run over by the same truck that I sold just so I could afford to eat” style Country and Western genre? Ohhhhhh boy. It only irks me so much because I know that so many people think it’s good, and I can’t cope with being in a world where someone can say “Oh, isn’t that just briliant?!” on hearing that sort of hilarious warbling, and others around will agree with perfectly straight faces.

I do, however, love it for its comedic value. The lyrics are generally so poor that they amount to being utterly genius, and I like this. And also, when you’re currently feeling the “life has treated me so bad / and now I am so blue and sad” vibes, you can enjoy said lyrics on a totally new level. I would never have expected a Country song to lift my spirits, but when Ricky Van Shelton’s “Life Turned Her That Way” came on as I was scrubbing the saucepans, I found myself giggling and singing along with great enthusiasm. I couldn’t help it. I know I have a tendency to be a self-pitiful, woe-is-me, poor victim, Eeyore sort of character when things go wrong. Just the sort of person to be the main character in a Country song, in fact. I could very easily be the sort of person who listens to stuff like that and thinks “Oh, woe! Woe! Poor me!”. So hearing the doleful lyrics and mournful guitar twangs, and recognising myself  in a truly ridiculously depressing song had the unexpected effect of cheering me up. Interesting…

I feel quite positive after that timely insight into how I could very quickly end up if I weren’t prepared to laugh at myself now and again. In fact, I have decided to write a Country song, myself. I’m pretty certain that anyone could do it, to the extent where I’m just going to start writing and rhyming and see what comes out. Ready?

She’s sittin’ on her suitcase
In a dusty foreign town
Her heartache’s etched on her face
She don’t know where she’s bound.

She ain’t got no cheeseburger to eat
No one to hold her while she cries
She thinks she must admit she’s beat
It never works, however hard she tries.

And then it starts to rain!
Oh, the rain, the rain
The pain, the pain
The grey skies, her teary eyes
They’ve said goodbye, she wants to cry,
Love’s a lie, passion sure dies,
And then it starts to rain.

She’s hurt her knee and is limpin’ sore
Towards a hostel that’s smelly and old
She ain’t got no money no more
And the world feels dead and cold.

There’s a rat runnin’ past her weary feet
And no one seems to know she’s there
Can’t stand all those happy couples she meets
She feels like there ain’t a soul who cares.

And then it starts to rain!
Oh, the rain, the rain
The pain, the pain
The grey skies, her teary eyes
They’ve said goodbye, she wants to cry,
Love’s a lie, passion sure dies,
And then it starts to rain.

Oh, wow! I am a Country music genius. Put those words to the one solitary standard Country twangy tune that seems to be used for every single song, and you’ve got a smash hit that will be played to death on Country Hour.

I’m tellin’ ya.

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12 thoughts on “And then it starts to rain!

  1. Bevchen – TELLIN’ ya! Pure genius!! ;)
    Grannymar – Ooohhh. There’s a though. I might actually be persuaded to make a recording, you know…!

  2. Another reader, Hil, sent me the following in an email because she thought it was too long for a comment. But I love it so much that I’m posting it here anyway – it’s what she feels is “one of the funniest country songs ever”, and I have to agree!

    Junior Brown is the singer, it’s called “My Wife Thinks You’re Dead”

    It’s good to see you baby it’s been a long long while
    We’re both a whole lot older and seen a lot of miles
    But thing are different now since the good ol’ days
    And you’ve been in some trouble
    Since we went our separate ways
    We’ll have to say hello maybe some other time instead
    Cause you’re wanted by the police
    And my wife thinks you’re dead.

    Somebody spread the rumor that you had lost your life
    ‘Least that’s the way I heard it and what I told my wife
    Now here you’re showing up again and talk is getting’ round
    And I can see that one of us will have to leave this town
    If you think that I want trouble
    Than you’re crazy in your head
    Cause you’re wanted by the police
    And my wife thinks you’re dead.

    You never called or wrote me just up and disappeared
    Nobody knew what happened
    Where you been for all these years
    Now trouble’s what you’re lookin’ like
    Cause trouble’s where you been
    And I can see the kind of trouble you could get me in
    You better pay attention to every word I said
    Cause you’re wanted by the police
    And my wife thinks you’re dead.

    So goodbye to you baby I’m glad we’ve got to talk
    But I’m faithful to my wife and I don’t ever break the law
    I don’t know where you’re headed for
    But I know where you been
    We’re reminisced now let’s just go our separate ways again
    Go find another ex-sweetheart to hang around instead
    Because you’re wanted by the police
    And my wife thinks you’re dead.

  3. Paul – ah, I’ve got such an obvious talent for it that an agent is bound to pick me out and *give* me a guitar! You can keep it. Unless you don’t really use it and it’s just a spare, in which case I might “borrow” it till I go away again, but I don’t think I really need it… ;)

  4. Becs says:

    I love country music!
    Garth Brooks
    Glen Campbell
    Tim McGraw
    And the legend that is Kenny Rogers
    How can you not love it. :D

  5. Becs – Ohhhhhhhh boy.
    Billy – Yes! Or just “guitar” rather than “second guitar”. I’m out of practice. :)
    Nelly – I assure you I am not affiliated with GP or the band. I’m a solo artist, me!

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