A Site For Sore Eyes

This morning I woke up after a rather disturbed night’s sleep and found that the headache and eye strain that come with spending too much time writing/staring at a computer screen were still making their presence felt.

With another day’s work ahead of me, I staggered downstairs for a healthy breakfast of Nurofen and nicotine and caffeine, hopeful that at least one of these would improve the head situation sufficiently for me to produce some relatively useful web content without the blood vessels in my eyes exploding. I discovered my father sitting in the porch with his laptop.

We sat in companionable silence, me ingesting three different kinds of drugs, him reading blogs. The silence was broken at intervals by sniggers. These were obviously not from me.

I eventually gave him a questioning What’s so funny? look.

I’ve just discovered a guinea pig blog, says he.

Dad has really only just accepted the presence of Kat the Cat in his life. It seemed a little odd that he was now reading about other domestic pets in his free time.

No, no, he explained enthusiastically, it’s a blog by a guinea pig. “True Thoughts Of A Guinea Pig”.

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I went back to smoking and drinking coffee, and he went back to reading and giggling. Then I backed slowly out of the room and carefully closed the door.

I’d love to end it there, but I must confess that as I was waiting for the painkillers to kick in, I looked up the guinea pig blog. It really is very funny. It’s a guinea pig called Sighs, who lives with his cage-mate, “Dumb Fuck”, and keeps a diary of his experiences as an intelligent, somewhat intellectual guinea pig doomed to an existence of eating pellets and watching the beyond stupid activities of the ‘monkey’ who owns him (“What’s-her-name”), and “that moronic boyfriend”.

I think it’s great that the guinea pigs of the world now have a forum for their thoughts. Poor Sighs is quite a bitter character, and his frustration with everything he sees around him would probably consume him if he didn’t have some way of letting it all out now and again. So he blogs. He blogs about his contempt for What’s-her-name, his utter loathing of the moron boyfriend, his desperate attempts to get some serious, intellectual conversation out of his cage-mate, who only wants to eat and fart and sleep.

If you’ve ever wondered if the diary of an intelligent, sociopathic, angry, frustrated guinea pig who swears like a trooper would be funny, as I’m sure you have if you’re anything like me, then this is a fantastic find. Kept me back from a whole stack of work for an hour, anyway. Kudos to Dad.

I really need to get back to work now.  You go and experience Guinea Pig Sighs.


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