Things consumed over past 2 weeks

(Partial list. Actual complete list of all items consumed would be much too utterly horrific and shameful to publish.)

Northern Irish Chinese curries: 4

Tayto cheese ‘n’ onion: approx. 10 packets

Assorted other crisps including Monster Munch, Discos, Meanies and McCoys: Millions.

Steaks: 4

Sausage rolls from Irons’ Bakery: approx. 15

Vol-au-vents: 8

Chocolates including selection box, Terry’s Chocolate Orange, and Roses: Thousands.

Alcohol, including vodka, wine, and new favourite cocktail (mojitos, mmm): shameful, shameful volume.

Sandwiches involving stuffing and cranberry sauce: 14

Kimchi: none (sadness).

Garlic fries: 10 portions

Stuffed eggs: 9

Cocktail sausages: approx. 30

Healthy foods such as salad: approx 5 small lettuce leaves. In burgers.

Cheese, including mature cheddar, extra mature cheddar, “seriously strong” cheddar, stilton, brie, wensleydale with cranberry, and something smoked: several kilos, I expect.

The whole affair is completely disgusting and out of control. I cannot stop eating. Seem to have lost all perspective re: weight/health and am instead justifying the eating and drinking of everything put in front of me by saying “Might as well make the most of it while I can!” as if I am a prisoner on Death Row rather than a cheerfully plump girl on her holidays. I had heartburn for 5 full days and nights, which I blamed on the sudden change of diet but suspect was really more to do with total overload of rich, fatty foods and absence of any healthy ingredients whatsoever.

Everybody else went back to work today, saying things like “back to reality!” and “no more junk food – normal diet resumes today!”. I, meanwhile, do not return to work for almost 2 more weeks, and it is on the other side of the world anyway and therefore not even reality to me at this point, and so I remain on the sofa shovelling deliciously horrifying foods down my throat and going out to lunch every single day, perhaps rounding things off with a few drinks as, after all, ’tis the season!

Someone save me from myself…


5 thoughts on “Things consumed over past 2 weeks

  1. Ian Burnley says:

    Miss Millar.
    What is to become of you. You come home and abuse our simple culinary system. We have a good outlook on life concerning to finer things in life relating to our Cuisine. If you are to continue with this abuse I must stress that you will need to increase your daily intake by at least 42.5%. This will ensure our good name is not sullied in the furtherest parts of planet earth. NOW GET TO IT GIRL,,, ENJOY ENJOY ENJOY

  2. Sounds exactly like me whenever I would go home to California in the first few years after moving. Didn’t matter there was no particular holiday on, I just had to stuff myself with everything I missed, and go to every restaurant or bar that was ever an old haunt. My luggage used to contain 10 % clothes, 40 % books in english, and 50 % food I can’t get here.
    Oh, go ahead, have one last mojito.

  3. The Sister says:

    Does this mean that I Shouldn’t bring you in all my leftover sweets + chocolate from Christmas, as previously discussed??!!!

    You can NEVER have enough Mojitos!!! Sssllluurrrrp… :)

  4. Monster Munch… Discos! I didn’t have any of them while I was in England, and now you’ve mentioned them I want some! I do have Skips, Squares and Hula Hoops in the cupboard though. Mmmm.

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