A Hayley Moment

Writing for a living seems to mean that writing for fun takes a bit of a back seat.

Just to give you a taste of Coffee Helps in the meantime though, here is a typical wee moment from my day.

So, I was walking down a street in Belfast, sipping on a Diet Coke and trying to remember where I parked the car after leaving my poor sick Macbook at the Apple store. Someone was approaching from the opposite direction, and I couldn’t help noticing that Someone was in fact a very attractive man. Very cool clothes, unruly hair, stubble, tall, scruffy, undoubtedly listening to an incredible band that has yet to be discovered. “Try to also be cool, Hayley”, said my natural Hot Man Approaching radar. I changed my walk from a confused and lost shuffle to a confident saunter, held my head high, and smiled knowingly about something.

It was all going very well.

Then, as we were just about to meet and do the typical Irish make-eye-contact-nod-smile-comment-about-the-weather thing, I took another sip of Diet Coke.

ERROR.

At that precise moment there appeared from nowhere a paving slab 2mm higher than the others. I tripped. I stumbled. The Diet Coke bottle made rapid and unexpected contact with my nose. All hell broke loose.

The Diet Coke (whose name was Chloe) promptly erupted in a volcanic aspartame explosion all over my face, while I staggered around in a desperate attempt to remain upright. In the process, I managed to fall off the pavement into the path of an angry taxi driver, who yelled something insulting about the unattractiveness of drunk women, mostly drowned out by the blaring of his horn.

Getting back on to the footpath, I obviously tried to pretend that nothing had happened, and attempted to recoolify. Hot Man and I were now about to meet. I smiled at him in the sexiest way that one can while staggering around Belfast with Diet Coke running down one’s face and an angry cabbie yelling insults in the background.

Unfortunately, foam from the Diet Coke explosion was also up my nose, and just as Hot Man opened his mouth to speak, I sneezed rather violently. Really, I have to admit, there are probably not all that many things less attractive than a girl who can’t walk in a straight line and greets you by blasting a soft drink through her nostrils at you.

Hot Man and I did not fall in love at first sight.

The Diet Coke was not even worth it as there was no vodka in it.

I found the car after another hour and returned home alone.

The End.