I have resorted to desperate measures.
Those of you who were reading my blog around this time last year might recall that upon seeing a particularly horrific Fat Photo of myself on Facebook, I burst into floods of dramatic tears and swore to lose weight – which I did, very quickly, by tracking calories using the My Fitness Pal phone app, half-killing myself with Jillian Michaels workouts, and (perhaps most importantly) cutting out beer, wine, and sugary cocktails. Not that I went teetotal or anything silly like that, but I became a strictly vodka and Coke Zero girl to the extent that I brought my own Coke Zero to the bar for weeks on end until they finally started stocking it for me. It had to have been a very serious lifestyle change if it even altered my partying habits!
Of course, after dropping 3 dress sizes and about 30lbs, and basking in the satisfaction of everyone telling me I looked good, I thought I’d earned a wee break when I went home for a few weeks at the end of the summer. Exercise stopped, healthy eating stopped, old habits came back, and I just never got around to returning to the healthier lifestyle I’d developed before my “break” – which ended up lasting until I left Korea for good in the middle of May this year. Obviously all the weight gradually crept back on again, and I found myself back at square one and feeling depressed as hell when I saw photos of myself.
So, back I went to the Jillian Michaels workouts, the calorie counting, and the general hatred of anyone who can eat sausage rolls, curries, crisps, and pasta without being obese. IT’S NOT FAIR, may I just say. But anyway. I finished the 30 Day Shred, which I never actually managed to complete the last time, and started a different one (Ripped In 30). I started walking, jogging, and running with the Couch to 5k plan. I took Zumba classes. I’d say I’m exercising at least 3 times as much as I was last year. And the results?
Grrrrrrrrr! Honestly, it makes me want to hit someone every time I stand on the scale and see the same weight. I’ve lost about 6 pounds in 6 weeks, compared to about 15 pounds in the first four weeks last time. Why?! WHY?!!!! My clothes are getting looser, I’m feeling much more energetic and healthy, and I’m getting a wee bit more toned, but I’m apparently not losing weight. It’s very discouraging to be working myself into a red, sweaty mess at least once a day, and missing out on all the delicious unhealthy treats I love, just to maintain my current weight – which is at least 30lbs more than I’d like to weigh.
So anyway, The Sister asked if I wanted to try out the latest “exercise” craze with her, and we went along for our free trial tonight.
It’s called Studio Shake, and is basically a long room filled with little individual cubicles, each one containing a machine that looks like a standard piece of gym equipment. They’re called “FLABéLOS”, and they promise “a one hour workout in ten minutes”. Hmmmm. I’m generally skeptical of quick weight loss fads and diets, and I firmly believe in lifestyle changes, healthy eating, and exercise as the only sensible long-term option. I’ve seen it work before, after all – I just didn’t stick to it!
However, when I’ve already been doing all the sensible stuff and making all the right changes, and am still seeing no results… well, I’m at the point where I’ll give something else a try. I’m not stopping what I’m already doing, but I’m going to try this as well for a few weeks, just to see. It’s not particularly expensive, and it’s 10 minutes out of my day. What have I got to lose? Oh, yes – 30lbs.
It feels… weird. You literally just stand on the machine, press start, and let it shake you. Thankfully each cubicle is private, so nobody can see you jiggling around like a giant lava lamp. You can pull back the curtain between your cubicle and your friend’s if you want to chat while you wobble. (“Your boobs are vibrating!”, The Sister cheerfully pointed out tonight.) The plates in the machine vibrate, causing the muscles in your body to try to stabilise. These involuntary muscle contractions apparently burn as many calories (and result in as much slimming and toning) as an hour-long workout. I’m not quite buying that, but there must be something to it, going by how many regular customers the place has, and the positive results I’ve been hearing about. I highly doubt that it would make much of a difference if I was eating as unhealthily as before and not exercising at all, but as I said at the start of this post, it’s time to resort to desperate measures! Maybe I’ll try some diet pills that work, maybe it’ll give my metabolism the kick up the backside it appears to need this time around, or maybe it’ll be a waste of time.
Still, at this point I’m willing to risk wasting 10 minutes a day!