I am 32.

This song is both tremendously comforting (“I’m not the only one”) and utterly tragic (“There is no hope now”).

Poor Taylor Swift, with her angst-ridden song about the pain of being 22. Clearly this girl, Elaine Moran, wanted to set her straight about the road ahead of her. Honestly, she is actually me, only in blonde, American form. The song is tongue-in-cheek and the video is amusing, but the overall sentiment is that the general confusion and anxiety that comes from being 22 is nothing to how you’ll be feeling in another 10 years. I actually descended into half-depressed, half-amused laughter at more than one point of this video, but when it got to the line “my whole body’s sore… from walking up a staircase.”, with her accompanying (priceless) expression of disbelief and horror, I had to stop it and go back, having missed the next few lines in my amusement.

I mean, seriously. You start feeling aches and pains in middle age, don’t you? That’s what they lead you to believe, as a child. Not when you’re 32. I took up jogging and working out last year, and was getting quite energetic and motivated, and losing a lot of weight, when I had to pack it all in due to the depressing reality that my body appears to be knackered. My knees became so sore that I couldn’t get up the stairs without a series of cracks and creaks, and I couldn’t (still can’t, probably never will again) get up off the sofa without groaning like an old man who needs a walking stick to get down the street to collect his pension. But no. 32. And I’m actually sort of relieved to find out I’m not the only one.

As for lines like “It feels like one of those days that I’ll just go to work… that’s probably all”, and “then I’ll just go to bed ’cause it’s 8 o’clock and I’m 32″… yeah, this is my theme song for this year.

‘Cause I am 32… 32…

It feels like one of those days that I’ll just go to work
That’s probably all.
It feels like one of those days I’ll start a diet,
Maybe Weightwatchers, I’ve heard good things.

Yeah, I got wrinkles and acne at the same time,
It’s miserable but I have hope in this anti aging cream that was gifted to me by my sister.
Oh yeah, tonight’s the night I’ll finally find myself a dentist
(About time).

I don’t know about you, but I’m feelin’ 32.
Had boys when I was younger, now I don’t give a hoot.
You don’t know about me, cause I’m a recluse.
I just put on some sweat pants and keep on living like I’m 32.

It seems like every day my news feed’s crowded,
Too many new borns (“When are you gonna have a baby, Elaine?”).
It seems like one of those days we lose our damn mind,
And end up screaming ’cause we’ve gone crazy.

Yeah my whole body’s sore… from walking up a staircase.
I drink because I’m sad now.
Oh yeah, today’s the day the doctor prescribes me Xanax
(And wine).

I don’t know about you but I’m feelin’ 32.
Read Fifty Shades of Grey and
Kind of liked it, too.
I know by now that dreams don’t come true.
Wish I made more investments ’cause I’m so broke now that I’m
32, 32
(Got a cat now, too)
32, 32

It feels like one of those nights I’ll have like one drink.
It feels like one of those nights… and then I’m sleeping.
It feels like one of those nights… you look like bad news
I gotta have you, I gotta have you.

I don’t know about you but I’m feelin’ 32
I always call my mum, that lady’s super cool.
Not going out, I got this Chinese food,
Then I’ll just go to bed ’cause
It’s 8 o’clock and I am
32, 32

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