Sample office conversation

I got into the bath with my socks on last night.

I wasn’t trying a novel money-saving method of doing laundry – it was more a case of trying to have a thought process at the same time as functioning as a normal human being. This is apparently something of which I am almost completely incapable.

I tell my colleagues about this when one of them mentions that the week has dragged in and she’s tired and stressed. It seems as good a time as any to mention my alarming lapse in mental ability. I was thinking through an entirely separate issue as I got undressed, I explain feebly, and I was exhausted and tried to simultaneously have the thought that it was cold and I would keep my socks on in bed. Somehow everything got mixed up and I realised I was sitting in the bath with my thermal socks on.

Most of my colleagues laugh in an almost concerned sort of way, but one of them tells me not to worry, as she went a step further the other week and threw her socks down the toilet. Apparently it was a similar sort of thought-jumble confusion, as she had toilet roll in the other hand at the time. We don’t ask for further details.

Other toilet incidents come to light from various people in the office, most commonly the irritating dropping-a-whole-roll-of-toilet-paper-into-the-bowl-and-having-to-fish-it-out-and-dry-it-on-the-radiator and the heartbreaking I-have-to-dry-my-iPhone-in-a-bag-of-rice.

Ever thrown anything interesting down the toilet? I ask a fellow tutor as she walks back into the office. I do love it when you ask a question like that and get an answer without any hint of surprise or confusion about why you’re asking such a thing.

No, she says, but I did go to the toilet in someone else’s house once and there was bread in the toilet bowl.

That’s someone with either a serious lack of storage space or a very worrying digestive problem.

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2 thoughts on “Sample office conversation

  1. Norma says:

    several weeks ago John had a fish which was bullying others and had to be removed from the tank. It was not the first time this has happened, the first time I kept it in a teapot for several days before it died….
    Anyway, this time I was not allowed to keep it so John flushed it down the toilet. As he pressed flush he realised his mistake – it would have been so much funnier to have left it floating in the bowl.
    We went out and came home several hours later, to meet The Boy coming out of my ensuite…he looked at me and said “couldn’t use my toilet as there was a fish swimming in it and I didn’t know if I was allowed to pee on it or not!”
    Apparently one flush was not enough…

  2. Anne Roy says:

    Thank you for this post … I actually laughed out loud. I then remembered a colleague whose wife kept her slap on a shelf that was above the loo & he told me that more than once he knocked some of it into the loo … he fished it out returning it to the shelf. They later divorced.

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