First Ever Guest Spot

I am handing over today’s post to a brand new blogger – mainly because she has been tagged with a meme and has no blog of her own on which to respond. The tagger? K8‘s exceptionally witty and sweet dog, Wouldye. The taggee? My super-intelligent (see previous post) cat, Kat. The meme? As follows:

* link to the person who tagged you
* post the rules on your blog
* share six non-important things/ habits/ quirks about yourself
* tag at least 3 people at the end of the post and link to their blogs
* let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing to you for the first time in the fur…. Kat the Cat. Are you excited? Are you???

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One is not surrrre one really has the time to be wrrriting a blog post. But Yerrr Wumman says she won’t feed one if one doesn’t humourrr herrr… do you see the way one gets trrreated? Orrrderrred about in one’s own house. To be frank, one is not cerrrtain one is going to let herrr keep living with one if she doesn’t starrrt showing a bit of rrrespect. Forrr now, howeverrrr, one supposes it’s a case of anything forrr an easy life. (And one would do anything forrr an easy life. As long as it didn’t involve using a lot of unnecessarrry enerrrgy.) Herrre arrre one’s quirrrrrrrrks…

1. One has a nerrrvous condition – brrrought on, one suspects, by those irrrrrritating male frrriends of Yerrrr Wumman, Dirrrk and Jay – which has led to a sorrrt of nerrrvous tic. Forrr example, if Yerrrr Wumman  shouts at one forrr politely rrrequesting one’s brrreakfast in the morrrning, and herrr agrrressive gulderrring starrrtles one, one rrruns away and automatically starrrts to wash one’s furrr. One cannot help it – it’s an OCD. It happens when one is embarrrrrrassed, actually. Which one is, quite a lot, living with herrr.

2. One simply cannot tolerrrate that cheap crrrap Lidl’s sells, trrrying to fool the worrrld into thinking it is cat food. Of courrrse, Yerrr Wumman is quite easily fooled, so the rrrubbish has been known to end up in one’s food bowl. One rrrefuses to eat it. Tastes like dog food. Yeuccccch. One is not amused.

3. One has one’s own hand-painted food bowl, incidentally, decorrrated by Yerrr Wumman durrring a visit to the Arrrtful Doodler. It says ‘KAT’ (forrr this is one’s name) in big letterrrs on the side, and has a charrrming varrriety of little paw prrrints and hearrrts all over it. One is awfully prrroud of it.

4. Therrre is a terrrorrrist in this house. He lives in the cupboarrrd and comes out once a week orrr so to rrrun arrround making terrrrrrifying rrroarrring noises. He is brrright rrred, has a verrry long nose, seems to enjoy sucking all one’s hairrrs off the carrrpet, and has his name painted on his head. He is called Henrrry. One does not care forrr Henrrry. One trrries to hide in a quiet corrrnerrr when he is rrroarring arrround the house, but quite often he takes one by surrrprrrise and one has to rrrun like Jerrrrrry to avoid being sucked into oblivion.

5. One shares one’s bed with Yerrr Woman. It is only fairrr, one is verrry small in comparrrison, and cannot fill an entirrre double bed. One does not generally object to sharrring with herrr, as long as she sticks to herrr corrrnerrr. If she gets in one’s way, one attacks herrr bare toe with one’s beautifully sharrrp claws. She soon moves.

6. One keeps one’s claws beautifully sharrrp by regularrr scrrratching of the wallpaper behind the currrtains in one’s bedroom. Yerrr Wumman only discoverrred this at the weekend, forrr she never cleans behind the currrtains and had only moved the blinds to fix them afterrr one had accidentally brrroken them afterrr defending one’s house against an attack in the earrrly hourrrs by what one can only assume to be cotton wool falling frrrom the sky. Yerrr Wumman is scarrred of cotton wool. You’d think she’d be pleased that one botherrred to get off one’s ass forrr long enough to prrrotect herrr. But no! She complained that one woke herrr up; then she trrried to smack one arrround the head forrr sharrrpening one’s claws on the wallpaper!

So, you see, one does not have an easy life. One spends one’s days in a perrrmanent state of disdain forrr the lack of rrrespect shown by one’s human. It is pleasing to see that the animals of the worrrld arrre starrrting to take a stand and make theirrr feelings known online. One chooses, therrreforrre, to continue this fine idea of tagging worrrthy wrrriters, and so one passes this meme on to…

Bonnie (who looks almost as posh as oneself and has a prrreviously displayed blogging talent to be nurrrturrred.)

Bertie (quite sexy. Forrr a dog.)

Mutt the Mad (pictured with a Lidl bag. One feels a cerrrtain sense of solidarrrity.)

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8 thoughts on “First Ever Guest Spot

  1. Brrrrrrrilliant, brrrrrrrilliant, brrrrrrrialliant!!!!! What an awesome post, now I miss my dogs and cats who could not make the journey to Oiland with us due to the SIX month quarantine…sniff. Not to mention that the fish may have struggled somewhat….

  2. Grannymar – replaced by a snooty feline! *sighs*
    Natalie – Aww, sad. :( I would miss Kat if I had to do that. Even if she is mean to me…
    Wouldye – Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. (from Kat)

  3. Heh. Bertie’s far too thick for this. His teeny brain consists of four parts: eat/poo/rabbits and food, and that’s it, I’m afraid. I’ll have a chat with him and try to explain the rules, but don’t hold yer breath! OOh, by the way, I’m englishmum.com from now on…going up in the world, doncherknow!! xx

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